ANKARA: PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, more often known as People for Extreme Terrorism Actions) demanded earlier this hour that the country of Turkey change its name forever.
PETA completed their demand by ordering a series of actions that will be taken if Turkey does not comply. For example, if the country does not change their name by 5AM November 27th, PETA will chop the heads off 1,000 lettuce. If the name is not switched by December 1st, PETA will remove the skins of 2,500 apples. And if the country does not have its name changed to "Tufey" by 2012, the group will remove the eyes of 10,000 potatoes and feed them to rabbits.
The New England regional head of PETA, Mr. Tom A Tow, had enough to say about justifying the organization's actions: "We'll see how they like it, watching the heads of lettuce being removed. Some people may call it a bit extreme, but we cannot see an animal's name used in vain by a country! We will not allow this action to continue!"
A representative of Ankara angrily called out the group for their terrorist-like actions: "We are proud that some of the country because of threats hippie activist groups will not go on your knees! We have seen an apple peeler will be fun!" (translation brought to you by google translate. 15 minutes can save you from mayhem like Coca Cola. Wanna fanta?).
A bit more concerned was Ms. Hetta Lettuce, a queen from Provincetown, Massachusetts, who filed a complaint with PETA earlier this morning. "I hope that they don't cut my head off! I'd like to keep it!"
The world will most certainly be watching and waiting to see the events that will unfold in the next few weeks. For now, this is Leafydebater from Newsvine.com.