SOMEWHERE IN FIJI: The Online World Health Organization, or OWHO, published the 2010 results of internet user's sex life today in a dramatic attempt to underline an old issue. Continuing the streak since the game started, users of World of Warcraft have less than a 0% chance of getting laid in their lives.
This is the first year that the chances of getting laid are below 0, something that scientists did not think possible until today. Loretta von Birch was on scene today to get their reactions:
Obviously I am shocked. I would never have sex with a WoW player, but to have a greater chance of growing wings than getting laid? Come on people, we have a population to produce. ~Mr. Wizzletwit, OWHO
Bah! In other news, global death rate is at 100%. ~Mr. Follywoohoo, OWHO
Not true at all! I got jumped by this really hot chick while travelling the Altar of Storms... twice. My avatar hasn't been the same since. ~Pr0bl3m1010103238949635970
Finally, someone is giving Jennifer Anniston a run for her money. ~Brad Pitt, OCB
Shockwaves were sent through the WoW world as players struggled to have their avatars hooked up before emerging from their basements for the first time since Jesus walked the earth. The population of America is expected to rise to 1 billion people for a few days as players look for the perfect one-night stand. Most female players will go home in vain, because their dream guys are already taken. Some may successfully raise that percentage back to its usual 0.0000000002%, but the chances of that are 1 in over 2 billion.
Ladies, if you are approached by a man asking you to go with him to the "Island of Elves", do not get in the portal. If there is a portal.