Yes, today I stepped into the kitchen and cooked something other than cereal for the first time. 

I am not a bad chef, actually. Give me a recipe and I can bang it out, that is, if I can find everything first. Today's special featured a (marinated) strip steak, with red pepper, chive, and mushroom (stir-fried in Worcestershire Sauce) on the side, and cupcakes...  after cooking them, I've nicknamed them HELL'S CUPCAKES. 8 ingredients and 2 hours of prep time, longer if you actually do all of the steps in order. After eating one, I realized they would be absolutely fantastic, IF I had gotten sweetened chocolate, which I could not find. Oh well.

So here's a list of what I learned today... yes, this is satire, because, well, it was one hell of an afternoon:

1. Any recipe includes a lot of swearing.

2. If things are going smoothly, something's wrong.

3. Remember to take the pans OUT of the oven when you preheat.

4. Plan ahead: it's going to take at least an hour to find every bowl and spoon needed for the recipe.

5. Hand chopping almonds sucks.

6. Go looking for a blender before you start to chop the almonds... not 50 minutes into it.

7. 2 wooden cutting boards are not as good as a mallet, but they still get the job done.

8. Unsweetened chocolate does not taste good.

9. Wash the dishes as you go. You've waited too long when you run out of sink.

10. You're really screwed when you run out of counter space.

11. The pan doesn't always look hot... oh, and hot oil and water don't like each other.

12. Your best bet is always google.

13. In Mom's kitchen, sugar is to the right of the cooking oil, in front of the sherry, and above the cereal.

14. Who gives a damn over some salted butter?