DETROIT: Just minutes after the announcement that flying cars are now acceptable on the pavement of America (and already accepted in our airspace), owners of selected automobiles are now experiencing new wonders and horrors never seen before.
For the duration of today, there have been hundreds of reports of cars trying to fly, cars that really aren't cars, and 747's convinced that they are now allowed to drive through Small Town, America.
Many people have died today as the result of cars throwing themselves off of bridges to see if they really could fly like the airplanes in the sky. Even more people died when airplanes, including massive cargo jets, tried to land in the center of town and drive on the roads. Our friends at Toyota have been receiving many complaints that the drivers of the cars have been experiencing acceleration problems as the cars have tried to reach new speeds, in attempts to take off.
Loretta von Birch was on the roads of America today, talking to motorists: "Leafy, Americans are staying off the roads and highways today, trying to live to see tomorrow, but the truth is no one is safe anywhere. Just past noon an Airbus landed on a farmhouse far from any road, killing all 3 residents inside. We have an even more disturbing report that in downtown LA, a Ferrari suddenly shifted and stood up on 2 feet, not as a car, but as a robot, demanding to see a "Mr. Witwicky"."
Motorists should be warned that their car could achieve hopes and dreams at any point through the next few days, weeks, months, or even years. Considering that the possibility for such an event is in a high likelihood, the Federal Motor and Airway Patrol (FMAP) advises that you should keep your ejector seat control in the "on" position at all times and have the button within reach in a proper location. All motorists are advised to have their ejector seats inspected every five months, and such seats are required by law, though minimum requirements are on a state-by-state basis.
More updates as they come, for now, this is Leafydebater for Newsvine.com.