Obama Turns to Booze as Palin Remains Undecided

WASHINGTON: Sources close to President Obama have said that in the past three or four weeks, the commander-in-chief has been watching the GOP nomination race very closely. And what he has seen so far has only half filled his dreams and expectations. In particular, the President has been watching Palin's struggle to commit to the GOP race with high anticipation. Supposedly, he isn't taking her uncertainty well. 

"He's been drinking." Says one aide to the President. "A lot, in fact. He's just drinking and drinking. He sits in the oval office and drinks. He goes out to lunch and he drinks. He goes back to his private rooms and he drinks. He sits in the limo and he drinks."

Most men turn to booze for their troubles, but for a man with the status and responsibility that Obama possesses, the reports are worrisome. According to one person who wishes to remain anonymous, Obama has been drinking a six pack per day on average. Before Bachmann ran, he was up around two.

Loretta von Birch was in the White house today and gave us her "sense" on the matter: "Leafy, the White House absolutely reeks with the stench of booze and even some marijuana. There are cans lying in the corners and even a box by the entrance. It's an absolute mess in here."

According to the anaysts, if Palin is nominated for the GOP position in the Presidential race, Obama gains an almost automatic victory and gets to serve as President for four more years. If not, the odds are a bit less in his favor.

"He's planning to throw all of his resources and support behind her. He told his staff to plan advertisements and a huge campaign to get her nominated, on top of his own campaign." said another aide, "But to be able to do that, she has to commit."