Day 3019:

Today was a, somewhat, successful day. I guess it just depends on how you want to judge it. I woke up and crawled out of my cave after getting a few hours of rest last night, though being low on food and very hungry, I did not stick around for long.

I've been contemplating finding a nice, new home under a rock or something. People know me too well, and they know where I live, so a change in my life may not be a bad thing.

Anyway, this morning I was rather ravenous, and as I trolled my way down to the road, I thought of new places to steal my food from. I mean, they know me too well in my regular hit spots and in the past they've either barred me from entering or even tried to shoot me. Trolling is hard work.

I actually contemplated stealing some junk from those damn midgets. There they are, dancing around their damn fountain all day and eating the cream of the crop, drinking the thousand dollar champagne, and making me miserable. But it is too much work to steal from a midget. Let alone 27.

I found this pig farm with a few pigs. I ate the pigs. I also ate the farmer, and his wife, who kept waving some book at me and shouting something about hell. I mean, really? A damn book is going to stop me from eating you? Get a life! Then I trolled around in their fields, which got the attention of the neighbors and friends. I stuck around though, mocking them and their ugly dogs. You see, the concept of trolling is easy. All you have to do is block everyone out and make sure that they are enraged by the time you start making sense. You don't even have to say much. An insult here, some BS there, it's a well paying job that gets me much attention.

I have heard that a certain village by the name of Jamestown has tried to find my cave multiple times and the residents have been complaining to the local governors- Sally and Tyler. So, I decided to troll my way around town for a while. Tyler won't mind, he's got lots of land to govern and one measly troll won't be noticed. The residents, though, saw me coming from a mile out. The local Church was under some fire for preaching about false gods, and the residents of Jamestown have been protesting and debating for a few hours today. I made my way to the debate and really turned up the troll controls, spewing insignificant BS to anything that moved. I found some of the popular and intelligent of the town and let them have it, shouting "Liberal! Liberal! Liberal!" I don't know why they even notice, but it works every time. I spent hours and hours at that debate, not taking notice to the intelligence coming my way and merely re-wording a few sentences every time I spoke. Finally, they took away the food at the debate and I grew hungry, so I left.

I made sure to raid a few of the debater's houses on my way out, just for kicks. Their friends tried to chase me out, but what's the point? I'm not going anywhere. I stole some of their food and ran like hell, away from the village, before Tyler showed up and punished me.

I really would have loved to troll in some larger towns and cities, but I will have to wait a few days. I'm all set on food and very satisfied with my cave (guess I won't be moving under a rock after all). The residents can simmer a bit and forget about me until I venture forth once again.

After this, I'll troll on the wall of my cave for a bit. I need to think of something even less intelligent for next time.

SARAH PALIN!

Troll~